Many people live their lives 'without regrets,' which to me, is a confusing and utopianist way of dealing with things. I have constant regrets. I regret not buying more of those mince pies on sale for 99c at Countdown last week (!!!). I regret not dedicating more time to pairing my socks (I live in constant disharmony). I regret snoozing my alarm for a record-breaking eleven times yesterday. I regret unfollowing Kanye on social media, because my friends are now talking about his most recent mishap and I feel out of it. My biggest regret this week, though, is this: missing Adele's last ever tour show.

She played three shows in Auckland, and on the last night, it poured with rain, but she continued in lively style, quipping "I just spent two hours in hair and makeup for nothing." It was her 119th show of this tour, which sold out everywhere, including NZ (many hearts were broken, including mine). Adele has won 146 awards, including 15 Grammy Awards out of 18 nominations. In tune with the record-breaking 130,000 fans she played to over the weekend in Auckland, she was named the world's most successful artist in 2016

And yet, she's insecure. "There's no need for me to tour. I'll always be nervous, worrying whether I'm going to be good enough. And the adrenaline is so exhausting," she told Vogue. Her decision to tour was only for the fans and the incredible demand to see her live - "I get s*** scared. One show in Amsterdam, I was so nervous I escaped out the fire exit," she said of her 2011 tour. "I've thrown up a couple of times. Once in Brussels, I projectile-vomited on someone. I just gotta bear it. But I don't like touring. I have anxiety attacks a lot."

UM, WHAT. It would be impossible for Adele to disappoint us. As one of the most influential women in the world, in her hands and vocal chords, she holds immense power. But fame and money don't abdicate fear, and the examination of personal worth is a depth that every individual has travelled in the dark, or for some, the spotlight.  

“I mean, how is it possible that an album can keep getting bigger and bigger? The fact that I was frightened by it and distanced myself was for no other reason than to live a real life, to write a real record, that’s the only reason," she said of her 2011 album, 21. "How am I supposed to write a real record people can relate to if I’m doing un-relatable things? It’s impossible. So that’s why I backed off.” Adele has positioned herself in a vulnerable place, where finding out her fears is individually a shock, but collectively just another part of real life.

This is a woman who could walk into any room and immediately be thrown roses (or insert item of choice i.e. pringles, maltesers, pink sticky notes). Even Beyonce - when they two met, B said of Adele: "You're amazing! When I listen to you I feel like I'm listening to God." I struggle to get that response out of people tbh. People stare at me when I wear my hair down (it gives off wild-lions-in-africa-vibes) but it's never been for exuding musical genius, unbelievably. The woman who does display this repeatedly, however, with many accolades to prove, has admitted to feeling fear - and cemented the truth that real life includes the doubt of our existences, our purpose, and our ability to succeed in a chosen career. It's not a fault to feel afraid or overwhelmed, and it doesn't detract from the ores of strength within.  

Despite her abhorrence of touring, Adele played to 95,544 people in Sydney on one night, one of many nicely sized (???) crowds she's spent the night with. So um, next time I doubt myself, I'll work through it, but before I slam my feelings, I'll remember that if a woman of such stature and capability gets that anxious, then it's OK to freak out and escape out the fire exit once in a while. Help me out - do you have any insecurities?

Madison x


  1. I have the same insecurity as Adele, to be in front of a public with people staring at me. I always feel like everybody is judging me and paying attention at all of my mouvements... But you're right, if Adele can do it i can certainly do it too haha
    PS: I just discovered your blog and I love it!
    I would be pleased if you could check mine, I just started it two days ago :)

    June x

  2. Lovely post-Adele has always been a singer of mine who I admire. She actually grew up in the same part of London as me, Tottenham. So she's pretty close to home. I had NO idea she was selling out her last show? What! This is new news to me. Anyways, you have a good thing going here on this blog-keep it all up.

    Ps:Found your blog via Zoe's blog.

    #sweetreats xx

    1. Well apparently that's gonna be her last show in NZ as she dislikes touring (devaaaastaaaaated). Thank you, this is so encouraging! xx


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